A Rose for Annie

In Honor of My Sister ~

My older sister [by 5 years] Ann, or 'Annie', was an Iron Man Triathlete! She was a favorite dental hygienist during her many years residing in San Diego, CA. She was a true friend, loving sister, aunt & birth mom, nature & animal lover and world traveler. Sadly, neither Ann or our family got to celebrate her birthday this year on September 20th. She passed away unexpectedly in late July. I created a beautiful photo collage as a memorial to pass around to family & friends, as a service was not warranted, both by Ann wishes & the pandemic situation. My youngest sister Jo was able to tend her at the very end, and made preparations for her cremains to be delivered in 3 beautiful angel figurines, which arrived recently, one for each of the remaining sisters, the now 3 Leath girls, P.K.'s as they used to call us, meaning 'preacher's kids'. Our father was a well-known Baptist preacher from the South, then in CA, and then TX. Our mother passed away when she was 43 and I was 10. My dad remarried, and after a spell, they moved from SoCal closer to 'home' [Houston], so he could accept a teaching position as Professor of Theology at HBU. That's where he lived until his death some years ago.

Ann is the first of the sisters to enter her Heavenly home. Like I said, it was unexpected, but not entirely, as she was dealing with symptoms of a milder form of Parkinson's disease, which was progressing. The fact that the diagnosis came so soon after her early retirement was hugely disappointing, for her and us, for so many reasons. One being that she had prepared so richly to enjoy her retirement, working non-stop for years. And, two, she has always been an athlete & traveler, used to being independent & active. So, it was a shock that she dealt with, still spending time with friends & creating a life, albeit a much more limited one than she was used to. She stayed closer & closer to her home, stopped cycling & running, and finally driving. Friends would come pick her up for outings ~ a 'Sit & Be Fit' class, dinner & a movie or a trip to the local library, helping her all the way.

Unfortunately, last summer Ann had a terrible reaction to one of the drugs she was prescribed used to treat Parkinson's symptoms, and after some hospitalization, needed to be admitted to a nearby care facility for an amount of time. Jo found one that looked & sounded good just a couple of blocks from her home, peaceful & clean w-a lot of staff & activities. For a care facility, it would work for the time being. I must mention that neither Ann nor her family was told of the side effects of the drug she was given, which made her condition much more dire, and meant that she could no longer that something to relieve her symptoms. She would have to make do.

Before the PD, but right after retirement, Ann had packed up & moved from San Diego, her home of 45 years, to VA. That did not work out as planned, so she returned to CA to be neighbors w-Jo near Palm Springs, buying & remodeling her home, purchasing a new car. This was to be her forever home.

During the Covid scare onslaught, while Ann was still living at the facility [after her home was sold & she could no longer care for herself], she was virtually on her own. The staff became overwhelmed, some quit, and because she was dependent and not one to speak out, she was neglected. Jo was frantic to care for Ann, as she had been doing on a daily basis before the virus hit & a little while afterward, but the facility was put on lock down. Jo could not get to her, so she made numerous calls & wrote numerous letters telling those in charge what our sister needed, and that she could not take care of herself. She also could not care for her two beloved elderly cats, and no one came to help. In fact, they were both put to sleep, her old rescue cats, Sunshine & Anita. So sad.

Ann was getting only minimum care at this point, and had become frail & bedridden. She could not even text or talk on the phone, so it was difficult to know what was happening behind closed doors. Ann, we heard, was also in terrible pain and, we found out later, had been taken to the ER several times. During the last visit, the doctor notified Jo, as her next of kin & POA, that he had [finally!] given Ann a Cat scan that showed some malignant growths, and that he subsequently was able to diagnose that she indeed was also suffering from cancer! Another shock. That was when Jo made a plan to 'free' Ann from the facility, which she did, miraculously, without their permission and despite their opposition. 'Operation rescue' was put into action with all our consent. Jo gave the facility legal notice, organized the movers and, via a small window of opportunity, was somehow allowed to enter the premises, pack & clean the apartment, get Ann safely into her van, and leave! She told us that during the move she felt like she was having a heart attack because of being in such a hurry, sure they would try to stop her! Luckily, she had found a small home for Ann in the 55+ gated community near her own, gathered several care givers for support & created a comfortable peaceful space where Ann could rest and hopefully regain her strength to the degree that she could enjoy her remaining time in a loving caring environment. At least that was the plan, one that was not meant to be.

Within weeks it was apparent that Ann would not make it much longer, certainly nowhere near the time first thought. The rescue mission turned into a mission to make her last days happy & comfortable, as much as possible. My husband & I drove non-stop [no flying!] to SoCal to be at her side. It was a shock to see how much she had changed since we had seen her in October during a mini family reunion held there at the facility when it was still a 'happy' place to be. Ann never lost her sense of humor! Even when we were making conversation, thinking she was sleeping or not listening, out of the blue she would make a comment that made everyone laugh. A week after we returned home, bless her heart, Ann passed away, quietly.

We are just now coming to terms with Ann's loss; we are missing an important sister link in our lives. It's especially hard-hitting when you lose a sibling, a swift reminder that life is short and that our own time draws ever nearer. I've had a lot of loss in my life, the most difficult being my first husband of 10 years & only child, who was just 8 years old, who both died tragically in a semi-auto accident. I've had to learn to live with deep loneliness, sadness & grief, and still make a life that's worth living. Remarrying, many years later, has given me love & happiness. Loss never 'goes away', the grief; time just passes, and you continue to mourn in different ways. You continue on as you know your loved ones would wish.

One of the gifts I received in honor of my sister, was a lovely bouquet of flowers from my step sons & their families, which contained several beautiful roses. The one I chose to photograph, which you see here, is now called 'A Rose for Annie' in her memory. Click on the 'Click Here For More Information' link below to see & read more about this special rose.

~Brooks